did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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