so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
