I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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