Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
