Pants 0. Shit 1.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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