i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
