I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
