I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
smell my finger.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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