I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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