Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
