love makes seman taste better
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
