i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
