Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize