im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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