i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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