He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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