i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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