I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
