Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize