paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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