textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
