It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
