Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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