i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
