Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
