Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize