I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
