fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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