she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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