My friends, they love my intelligence
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it because I queefed?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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