The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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