You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
