Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
