My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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