Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
