By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
