I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
handjob tips. give me some.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
