well you can't waste a boner
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
