Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
