those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Everclear isn't food dammit
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
