so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
