my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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