You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
All the doctor said was why
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
