So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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