What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
