planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
