were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
