I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
