his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
