Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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