I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
only if we run a train.
done.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
