i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if only i could text you this smell
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
