I'm sorry my penis didn't work
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
