I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
