her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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