Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
