waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
