i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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