Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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