I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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