you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
