just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
