Quick, to the slutcave!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
