OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
