the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
