and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
