phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
