she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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